The Perks of being a Weasley 1
by Ginneh Loo
Summary: AU. Letter format. DracoxGinny Ginny gets a journal. She thinks Hogwarts is going to be bland this year. In a sense it is. But a certain Slytherin boy changes that for her. We follow her thoughts through this interesting, sometimes unwanted, adventure. T
1. Ginny's Journal

September 28th, 1996

Dear Journal,

I've heard you're a good help to people who have a lot to say, my best friend told me that. Her name is Hermione. Hermione Granger, I'll probably be talking a lot about her as we go on. Anyways, you won't judge and whisper about me behind my back and we'll always trust each other and we shall never break that promise. Agreed? Agreed. I'm on the train to school, Harry and Ron have gone to seek out the Candy Lady, Hermione's sat opposite me, reading 'Hogwarts; A history' the girls always studying. It's the start of my 6th year at Hogwarts (school for Witchcraft and Wizardry) and to be honest, as much as I love this place, this year just doesn't feel like it's going to be the same, preparing for N.E.W.T.S and all that jazz. Merlin, Hermione's doing hers this year, so she isn't going to be as much fun as she usually is, she'll be studying extra hard. Like she does anyway, but extra than extra. I don't mind too much, but a girl's got to have some fun. You see what I mean? I just think this year's going to be more tiring than the others. I mean I'm not saying I want to go back in The Chamber of Secrets, but at least there was risk and danger… I've realised I'm a bit of an adrenaline junky, it's not too bad, but I want to _do _something. I have some news though! I am no longer obsessed with Harry James Potter. You've never heard of him, but he's my brother, Ron's, best mate (Ron is in Harry and Hermione's year, they're all a year older than me) and he's 'The Chosen One' everyone thinks so, he just doesn't want to admit it… Yet. He will. In the end. Anyways, yes, I am over him. It's not like we had anything. It was only my love for him, if you could call it that. I was 12/13/14/15. (I told you I was obsessed) Well, I guess I thought it was love. It doesn't matter anymore, we're just friends. I know most girls say that when they still like their crush but I am 100% sure I am over him, it's why I'm writing this. Plus, I know a lot of other girls would want him, Cho Chang for one, and Parvati Patil for another, there are so many more, but I'm over him, so why would I fill these pages about him? I won't. So my promise to you is that I will have nothing to do with _any_ boys this year. They'll_ just_ friends. That's it. I don't want _that _kind of drama. Well, I hope we will have a good time together, and I hope you enjoy my writings. I hope you help me too. It's you and me from here on out buddy, I hope we'll both make it to the end of the year!

Love, Ginny xx


	2. Privacy is always needed

**A/N **

**Sorry about the first chapter, the first chapter formatted differently when I put it on... **

**Replies to reviews**

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**I shall stop blabbering.**

Dear Journal,

I know I've already written today, but something totally weird happened on the train. I would have written sooner but I had no privacy. And believe me, this needs privacy. So...

Hermione was still reading, obviously. Harry and Ron had gone to change into their robes, since we were almost at Hogwarts, and I had nothing to do, so I began down the train to change into my robes. I passed the Hufflepuff carriages and smiled at them. I got friendly smiles back.

I should explain that there are four houses in Hogwarts. I'm in Gryffindor, there's Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and the God awful Slytherin. Gryffindor and Slytherin are basically rivals. The founders; Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin were the original rivals, and it passed on.

Anyway, I passed the Ravenclaw carriages, and I saw Luna at the end of the Ravenclaw passage. Luna Lovegood is a very interesting girl, and she is also one of my best friends. She turned around and smiled a wide smile. "Hiya Ginny!" She basically shouted. She had glasses on her face and they were pink and purple, and very big. They covered most of her face.

"Hi Luna, what are those?" I asked, totally bewildered. "Oh, these-" She pointed to her face "For the Nargles"

I didn't understand what the hell she was going on about, so I just laughed politely and carried on down the passage. I entered the Slytherin corridor. I wasn't scared. I'm not scared of them. I just like to get past them quickly because they disturb me. And believe me there is a difference between scared and disturbed. I kept my eyes in front of me the whole time, not wanting any attention. Of course, when you don't want it, you get it.

"Oi, Weasel!" A shout came from behind me.

I knew the voice well. I turned around slowly. I told you I wasn't scared of them.

"Hey Pansy" I answered, nicely.

Pansy was a Slytherin girl, dirty, bad and totally annoying, she had a short bob; the blackest black there is. Her eyes were pale grey and cat like, her jaw line was sleek, and if I didn't dislike her so much I would have admired it. The only scary thing about Pansy, that I felt sorry for, is that she's obviously head over heels in love with Draco Malfoy, a pasty faced boy with bright, white blond hair, he's more sickly than Pansy and definitely someone to watch out for. His father is a deatheater. I hate them both. Pansy meandered up to me; putting power into her step. She circled me. I stayed perfectly still. She reached over and picked up a piece of my ginger locks. She twirled it in her hand, if I didn't know her better; I would have probably thought she was admiring it. But I know better than that. She was probably thinking of something nasty to say about it. She stepped back, and faced me. Blaise Zabini and Greggory Goyle came now to surround me.

"You're not wanted here, Weasel." Pansy whispered menacingly.

"I'm passing through, I need to change, Pansy." I replied, very nicely, I wasn't going to let her get to me.

"I didn't mean the carriage, Weasel, I meant the school." Pansy took a step towards me, I didn't step back. I couldn't anyway, because Vincent Crabbe was now behind me, blocking my path.

"That's a nice thought, Pansy" I still tried to keep my voice even. They were disturbing me now, how they all swarm on a Gryffindor like vultures onto something dead. Creepy.

Pansy didn't like my nice tone. She wanted to see me break. Well, that wasn't going to happen. I smiled brightly at her, I think it tipped her over the edge to be perfectly honest. She wanted to show off in front of Draco, who was behind her, leaning against the doorframe. Not involved with the surrounding Slytherin's, which was weird. Pansy took another step forward. I almost stepped back, but refrained from doing so. She was nose to nose with me. I could smell her perfume, sickly sweet stuff. She didn't take her eyes from me, and I didn't either. My heart was pumping now, double time. It's all I could hear. The only thing I could see were the grinning faces of the Slytherin's and that pale faced Malfoy staring right at me. I tried to look away but something in his eyes glued me there. His eyes looked… Well… Human. For once. And the strangest thing? They looked sympathetic.

Pansy, unfortunately, saw where I was looking and turned a dark shade of red. Jealousy. A lousy feeling. She grabbed my hair and pulled me up to her face. I stifled a squeak.

"You _stay away_ from my Draco, Weasel. Stay Away." She whispered dangerously at me, spittle flew from the corners of her mouth. I smiled again. Brightly. Thinking on it now I probably shouldn't have done that. She forced me back, and my hands went up to try and get her off. Well, that left my guard open didn't it. She threw her fist right into my stomach. I bent over in pain, and then her knee met my face. No, not met, that sounds too polite, how about crushed. Her knee crushed my faced. I collapsed onto the floor, and I was trying not to be sucked into the blackness, trying, so hard. I looked up and she was coming for me again. And then she stopped. Just stopped. Someone had grabbed her and pulled her back off me. I searched around for my saviour, then chanced a look upon Malfoy, angrily talking with Pansy. I caught a couple of words.

"What the hell are you doing Malfoy, she deserved it!" That was Pansy I guess.

"If you keep hitting her you'll get us all in trouble, and we haven't even _started _school yet!" Came Malfoy's shout back.

"But, Honey, she deserved it!" Her tone had changed to the smell of her perfume; sickly sweet.

"Maybe, but stop. Now. And do not call me Honey." Malfoy.

I was still trying to stop the ceiling light from spinning when I was being moved. I don't know how I was moved. Or who it was. Or where they were taking me. But I was glad. Very glad.

Oh crap! Someone's coming. Its half past eleven and I should be in bed. Only the first night of school and I'm already staying up late. Not good. I'll tell you the rest tomorrow, when I get some more privacy. Sleep tight.

Love Ginny xx


	3. Gossip

September 30th ,1996

Dear Journal,

Sorry it's so late, I couldn't get alone. Everyone wanted to catch up, and find out why I was late for the feast yesterday, and with a bloody nose. _And_ the fact I walked in with _The_ Draco Malfoy. I kid you not. So where did I leave it? Oh yeah. I was being moved.

So there I was. I was still now, in a sitting position. I was resting on something. It was pretty comfy so I snuggled further into it. It moved. I sat up fast. I looked around and I was still on the train, in a compartment I didn't recognise. It was not homely and it smelt like fertiliser. I looked to the comfy thing I'd been snuggling up against. I almost vomited. I'm not even joking.

Draco Malfoy gave me a small side grin, and looked down. As though he was shy or embarrassed.

What?! _I know!_

I backed up. It was only me and him in the compartment, and there were no lights on, just the light from a streetlamp outside the window. The train was still. It was silent. I stared at Malfoy disgustedly. He recoiled. He put on an unemotional, plain face.

"You collapsed. I didn't want to get in trouble, so, um, I brought you here to save our own necks." He told me simply and in forced politeness.

"Why here? You could have taken me back to my compartment; it's not like you don't know where it is." I answered hotly. I was angry he'd even looked at me, never mind touched me.

He stared daggers at me. "You think I want Potter and Weasley making noise?!" He made a sound like a huff.

I stood up to storm out, but my head went fuzzy, and the blackness threatened to spread again. I wobbled forward dangerously. Malfoy grabbed my hand to pull me back, but I tried to shake him off. Putting us both off balance. We fell, and I managed to fall on top of him, on the floor of the compartment. I tutted. I couldn't believe this was happening. First he touched me, now I was on top of him?! What next?! I looked at him. He looked at me. I think we were both as surprised as each other to be in this compromising position. He did that weird thing with his eyes again. Made them look human and sympathetic. It was unnerving. There was a touch of something else there too. Surprising? Caring? I was still on top of him.

'_I guess I should thank him for stopping Pansy…' _I thought to myself. I gave myself an inward shrug. It didn't matter who he was, he had saved me…

"Thanks… For stopping her I mean…" I whispered. I don't know why I whispered. But I did. Malfoy's reaction was strange. He seemed to look at me. Like really look at me. Like he finally saw me. He smiled slightly. I smiled back. Then I realised I was still on top of him. Not just any him. Draco bloody Malfoy. I scowled.

'_Get off of him Ginny!' _I practically screamed at myself.

But I couldn't. And I know girls say that when they're like '_oh I want to stay here forever, with you' _I can assure you, this wasn't one of those moments. I just couldn't get up. I looked around. I realised there was a suitcase on my legs, and the rope was wrapped around us both. Tying us together. I told you it wasn't one of those moments. I tried wiggling free. But something escaped Malfoy's lips. Something like a gasp? A moan? Oh God! '_What do I do?' _I was seriously thinking about cutting my legs off right then and there when the compartment door opened.

Rubeus Hagrid, my Care of Magical Creature's Professor, walked in. I could have _died_. Right there. I would have easily chosen being Crucio'd over being looked down upon in this position with a pasty faced Slytherin. Oh. My. Merlin. I wanted to wriggle and writhe free. But I did NOT want Malfoy making that sound again. Ever. Ever ever ever. I mean it. I looked up and apologised with my eyes to Hagrid.

"Oh, er, I 'ad to come and, er, check everyone 'ad gotten their, er, things." Hagrid was rubbing his hands together frantically, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

"Oh, Hagrid, I'm stuck, could you help me?!" I raised my voice at the end, because Malfoy put his hands on my hips.

"Help?! What, um, Ginny I don't think that, that's-"

"No, Hagrid. NO. The rope from the suitcase, it's got us, I mean, we're stuck, could you?"

I interrupted him, because I did not want to hear the rest of that sentence.

"Oh, right, I, I see…" Hagrid stammered, he reached for the suitcase that had us trapped and untangled the rope from our legs. I stifled a squeak because Malfoy now seemed to be rubbing his hands on my hips. The rope was pulled from us and I didn't even get the chance to push myself off of Malfoy because he propelled me forward away from him. I staggered back into Hagrid.

"Oi, watch it Malfoy, don't want any detentions yet!" Hagrid warned, catching me. He got up and glared at me, grabbed his suitcase and stormed past us and off down the corridor. He didn't look back once.

I looked up at Hagrid, who had to duck nearly half his height to fit on the train.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that, it was no way what it looked like, I collapsed and he brought me in here to save his own neck, I'm sorry-"

"Ginny, I didn't see nothin' ok." Hagrid reassured me. "And nobody's gonna' know" I smiled at him warmly. I was so embarrassed, and ashamed. I began down the corridor in front of Hagrid, when I realised.

"Hagrid, where is everybody? And where are my things? And I'm not even in my robes!" I looked down at myself. I was slightly relieved, because then there was one thing Malfoy hadn't dare do. Good.

"They've all gone to the Main Hall, you, Miss Weasley, are 'alf an hour late. As for yer things, they've been taken up to yer common room, as well as yer robes. So I'm afraid you'll 'ave to attend the Great Feast in the things yer wearing." Hagrid looked down at my clothes. I looked down too, there were blood splatters on it, I reached for my nose and cringed. It hurt. Badly.

"Oh Ginny, what 'appened now?" Hagrid asked, looking questioningly, but not surprised. I told him as we made our way up to the main gates.

"That Parkinson girl is a snotty one, not to be hung around with." Hagrid advised.

I nodded. I realised that if I was that late, then Malfoy must be too.

'_He stayed with me?!' _I was utterly freaked. Why would he stay?

Suddenly, we could hear loud voices. I grimaced. Malfoy. I don't care about him. He's a pasty faced Slytherin bad boy. Ew.

I looked at who he was arguing with. It was Professor Flitwick.

"No, you cannot enter without another Professor, as you are late, Mr Malfoy, we need you escorted." Professor Flitwick's voice was rising as he spoke. Malfoy looked at him as though he were below him. Technically he was, but Malfoy was thinking in a more 'blood status' way.

"I know where I am headed, I do not _need _an escort. Do you not understand? I need to go!" Malfoy didn't hold back his fury, and shouted right in the Professor's face.

"Now, what's going on?" Hagrid bellowed, so that they stopped bickering and looked up. Malfoy took one glance at me and turned away, angrily.

"Mr Malfoy thinks that he can make up his own rules." Professor Flitwick explained.

"Well, Malfoy, let's see what Professor Snape 'as to say about yer disobedience once the feast is over. You will accompany myself and Miss Weasley to the Great Hall. Yer robes are in yer common room so you will 'ave to go in the things yer wearing." Hagrid stated in a stubborn tone that said 'end of discussion.' Malfoy was not happy at all.

"Thank you Hagrid." Professor Flitwick squeaked as he pulled open the gates. He stared at me curiously.

"Miss Weasley, what on Earth has happened to your face?"

I gasped. Hurt at what he'd said, then I realised I was probably still covered in blood. I wanted to tell the truth, but then they'd ask what I was doing with Malfoy, so I changed my story.

"Um, well, er, I was, I was going to put my robes on when I ran into a crowd, and I think somebody mustn't have seen me, and elbowed me in the face." I lied. I hoped I was a good liar. Professor Flitwick seemed to believe me though. I let out a relieved sigh. I saw Malfoy watching me inquisitevly. I guess he thought I was doing it for him. Hah!

We made it to the school, and I took in the perfect sight. The moon was up and the lamps were burning bright. Hogwarts seemed to be glowing. It literally screamed 'Welcome Home!' I sighed happily.

We strolled to the doors of the main hall. I'd tried wiping my face of blood because Hagrid doesn't have a wand, and I wouldn't dare trust Malfoy with a spell aimed at my face. So I licked my hands and tried to scrub off most of the blood. I exhaled slowly, trying to stop the butterflies inside my belly, which were going crazy. Hagrid bode us farewell and left us standing at the doors.

"After you Gi- Weasel." Malfoy whispered tauntingly. I held my head up high and ignored him. I started forward. The doors swung open.

I gasped. In awe and in embarrassment.

Everyone. _Everyone _turned our way. Even the Professors. Oh. My. God. I smiled and began walking toward the Gryffindor table, Malfoy was still next to me.

"Ah, nice of you to join us, Miss Weasley, Mr Malfoy, I expect that your robes are in your common rooms, as you are not wearing them." Professor Dumbledore exclaimed. I wanted to answer, but my tongue had twisted and I felt that if I said anything, I would vomit. I just nodded, as Malfoy replied.

"Yes, Professor, we're sorry we're late." Malfoy was perfectly polite and unafraid. I stared at him, because he'd said 'we', I didn't expect him to apologise for me too.

Professor Dumbledore looked at us from above his half-moon spectacles.

"I see, and why is it that you are both so late?"

I swallowed. Hard. I had no idea what I could say. I couldn't just say '_Oh Malfoy stayed with me when I fell unconscious'_ Good God. But… I didn't have to.

"I had to go back for my suitcase, as I'd forgotten it, and Ginny was found by Hagrid, as she'd fallen asleep in the Ravenclaw carriages, otherwise her own friends would have gotten her." I couldn't believe it! Malfoy had just saved our skins. Twice! What was wrong with him?

"I see, well, better get you two to sit at your tables. Welcome back." Professor Dumbledore ended the conversation as big piles of food now appeared at the long house tables.

I looked at Malfoy. He'd already started towards his table. But he looked back and gave me a sassy grin. I couldn't help myself. I grinned back and started towards my table.

It was a great feast, everyone catching up. Eventually the '_you came with Malfoy?!' _died down after a couple of hours. We left for our common rooms and I didn't tell anyone what really happened, I told the same story about my nose. The elbowing one. There was only one person who was suspicious.

"You're hiding something Ginny, I just don't know what yet." This was about the fourth time Hermione had said so. Fortunately, she knew to keep it between us. We finally went to sleep, quite late. But full from the food, and excited to be back.

I never thought of Draco Malfoy once that night.

I told you it was weird. He actually smiled at me, and I smiled back! I know, I know I promised I'd not have anything to do with any boys this year. But it's not like I do have anything to do with Malfoy. He's an idiot. I hate him. I hope you believe me.

Love Ginny xx


	4. Breathless

**Like it so far? Leave me a review XD**

October 1st, 1996

Dear Journal,

Hey! It's the first of Octobeeeerrrrrrr and its getting colder. Lessons are getting harder, students are getting more homework and some students are becoming overwhelmed. But hey, that's school for you. Quidditch is becoming more difficult too as most of the matches are in the fog. I'm a Chaser for Gryffindor. It's one of my favourite things about this school, being part of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, it gives me thrills. But sometimes, you just don't feel like it, especially in the cold and fog. Oh well, I have to just push through it! I don't mean to boast, but we win. A lot. We have a match coming up in 2 days' time against Slytherin. These are the best matches, because everyone is always so competitive, and the crowd spurs you on unbelievably. I can't wait. My Mum sent me some Broom Gloves through the post. I am so so so grateful. If I played another game, my fingers would have fallen off. Anyway, most things are the same, Hermione study's, Harry thinks, Ron eats. I write to you. About my strange encounters. I have another one for you.

It was yesterday afternoon, and I'd just come out of Divination. I hate Divination sometimes, because sometimes we just do pointless things like sit around staring at the clouds trying to decipher their meanings, like today. So boring. Anyway, I was on my way to the astronomy tower. Sometimes I like to be by myself, and it's usually deserted because it's getting cold. So there I am, sitting on the ledge, and doing my Potions homework for Snape when an owl screeches behind me. I turn around to see Malfoy leaning against the banister, flapping at a barn owl. Apparently Malfoy tried stroking it. It did not want to be stroked. I stand up quickly, and gather my things. I go to walk past him when I hear him tut.

"What?!" I demand. He has no right to patronise me.

"Oh, nothing. Just the only time I see you alone, and you go and storm off." He gave me a wicked grin. Then. He winked at me. He_ actually winked at me. _

"What the hell, Malfoy? What do you want?!" I insisted. He can't just do that! He can't just act like we're best friends all of a sudden.

He walked up to the ledge and turned around to lean against it. I hate to admit it. But… He looked… Decent. I walked up and stood next to him. I didn't look at him; I looked out at the Black Lake instead. It shimmered in the evening fog. I could feel him looking at me. So I looked at him, and I think that surprised him. He looked away, but I could see a smile tugging at his cheeks. I huffed. '_What am I doing here?' _I was just about to turn around when Malfoy shuffled towards me. He placed himself in front of me and put his arms on the ledge either side of me. Trapping me. He sighed. I looked at him inquisitevly. He smelt like apples. Sweet apples. The top button on his shirt was undone, and I could see a bit of his chest. I made fists. '_Stop Ginny, no' _

"You know, I never saw you after our incident on the train" Malfoy breathed. His eyes were human again. His face inches from mine, I didn't move.

"There is no _our, _Malfoy. I was punched, that's it." I replied sourly. I didn't like how close he was getting. I didn't like it at all. Did I?

"I wasn't talking about that part; I was talking about the part where you threw yourself onto me." Malfoy uttered. Smiling dangerously at me. I glowered. Who did he think he was?!

"Keep dreaming Malfoy!" I sneered. I tried to push away from him but he held me. I gasped at his strength. I looked up at him. He was about a forehead taller than me. He had my hands in his.

"You know Ginny, I have a first name." He smirked. He pushed me back to the ledge. Hands still in mine. I stared at him open mouthed.

"You know what else? I think you like me." He winked again. I vomited inwardly. My hands still in his I pulled our arms outwards. He smiled at my gesture, thinking it would be good for him. He was wrong. I pulled my hands from his and thwacked him in the stomach. Sometimes, there is no need for magic. He grimaced and bent over in pain.

"You know what Malfoy? You couldn't be more wrong!" I shouted as I ran down the stairs of the astronomy tower and all the way back to the Gryffindor Common Room. I collapsed into the room, startling a few people.

"What's wrong Ginny?" Harry asked, concerned.

"Oh, um, nothing." I replied, trying to look nonchalant. Harry raised his eyebrows, clearly not buying it.

"I pulled a spell on Crabbe, he's now huddled at the bottom of the astronomy tower vomiting cat food." I said, trying to look pleased, but trying to look humble too. Harry bought that one. He grinned and slapped me on the back, and I got a little applause from my brothers. I grinned sheepishly. I walked past them and up to my dorm. Breathless. I began thinking about what had just happened. Malfoy thought I liked him? Does that mean he likes me? He likes me?! Oooh, he likes me…

_'Shut up Ginny!' _I screeched at myself. I was not thinking about that!

I promised you about not getting involved with boys. And I am NOT going to break that promise! No way! Nope! Not a chance!

Merlin! I'm going to go to sleep now, try and calm myself down. Goodnight, sleep well.

Love Ginny xx


	5. Breakdown

October 2nd, 1996

Dear Journal,

I swear to Merlin I will kill that Slytherin _creature! _I will! I _swear_!

Every time I see him, which is a lot more often now than I used to.

I wonder if he does it on purpose.

Anyway, every time I see him, which is basically after every lesson, every break and every lunch hour, he mocks me. Whispers crap in my ear. Stuff like '_I know you like me' _and '_it's only a matter of time'_ which is overly annoying in itself, but a bit sweet because he's going out of his way to say these things to me. I still don't know if he likes me?

Maybe he does. Not that I care. I don't. I don't!

But that's not why I want to kill him. I want to kill him because of the way he acts when we're confronted with each other when he's not whispering crap. He sniggers at me with his friends. Whenever Pansy says something, they laugh uncontrollably. Sometimes Malfoy even calls me names like 'Weasel', 'Troll' and even 'Slime'. But this morning, I swear I could kill him. After Defence Against the Dark Arts I was making my way to Quidditch practice. I see a bunch of Slytherin's on the way there. Malfoy's with them. I don't scowl at him like I usually do. Thinking now I don't know why. I even smiled. Pansy Parkinson is there though. Oh yay.

"What you looking at Weasel?!" She scoffs darkly. Laughing with the others. Malfoy joins in. I don't know why, but… It kinda hurts. I don't know why. I attempt to ignore her, and walk on past. But this is Pansy we're talking about. She blocks my path.

"I don't think so Weasel." She sniggers in my face. I try to step backwards, but, I've told you how they swarm. Goyle's behind me. I exhale.

"Not now Pansy." I plead with her. I think she is surprised at my tone. I don't think I've ever tried wiggling out of a fight with her. Her shock subsides almost immediately and a big ugly grin spreads her face.

"Aw is ickle ginger nut not happy?" She asks mockingly, making her voice a few pitches higher. I look around, they've all surrounded, even Malfoy. He avoids my eye.

"I was happy until you turned up, now let me past." I say evenly. She isn't going to get to me.

Pansy giggled and so did the rest of them. She took another step forward so our faces were inches apart. I'd been in this situation before. For Merlin's sake can she not leave me alone? I sighed again. Not out of fear, out of boredom.

"What you gonna' do about it Sweetie?" Pansy asked with a sickly edge to her voice. The others snickered. I took another deep breath. I really wasn't in the mood.

"Pansy dear, you don't want to know." I answered simply. I got a few 'ooh's' from the Slytherin boys. I didn't care. She really didn't want to know. Pansy laughed in my face.

"Oh, but I do." She whispered dangerously. She shoved me backwards. I did nothing. She shoved me again. I did nothing. She shoved me a third time, hard. I went backwards, tripping over my own feet. I was falling backwards. And then. I wasn't. I looked up. Malfoy. I yanked myself out of his grasp.

"For Merlin's sake, Malfoy, leave me al-" I began.

"Draco?! What the hell are you doing?!" Pansy shrieked with rage. She stormed towards us, and heaved me out of the way. She was glaring up at Malfoy. He stepped back warily. Flitting his eyes from me to her.

"Draco?!" Pansy screamed. "Are you and-" she looked back at me disgustedly, "_that,_ an item?!" She finished. She was breathless. _'She must be really angry' _I thought. _'Not as angry as me!' _Malfoy was stuttering.

"What?! No, of course, no- I mean, she's a bloody Gryffindo- she's a Weasley, you're as bad as a Mudblood!" He aimed the last part right at me. I wanted to cry. I don't even know why. Pansy was still staring at him.

"Shut UP Malfoy! You absolute Dick!" I screamed at him.

Malfoy looked taken aback, maybe even a little hurt. Good.

"Don't you dare talk to him like that Weasel! Draco, honey, why save her fall then?" She asked seriously. Malfoy went a bit paler, if that was even possible.

"Because, because, well-" He stopped and thought a moment. His eyes brightened a moment, thinking of an answer.

"Our Quidditch game tomorrow! I don't want to forfeit because they have a chaser down!" Malfoy squealed. _'More at the fact he had a decent answer.'_ I supposed irritably. Pansy turned around to me, smiling gleefully. Then back at Malfoy.

"You really think that, after I'd finish with her, she wouldn't be able to play?" Pansy asked batting her eyelashes at him. He chuckled flirtingly. That hurt too. What the hell was WRONG with me?!

"Of course." He replied, flashing his teeth. Pansy blushed and then walked up to me.

"You're lucky this time, Weasel." She sniggered and walked off. As did the rest of them. I'd realised my fists were clenched, they were white and my palms were leaking a bit of blood. I clenched my teeth to try and keep myself from turning around and flooring Pansy right there. Believe me, it took all my effort. I began storming off down the corridor when something grabbed me and spun me around.

"For Merlin's sake Malfoy. Get OFF me!" I cried. I really,_ really _wasn't in the mood. He pushed me to a nook in the wall of the corridor. It was very confined. I glowered.

"Malfoy, get the hell off me!" I yelled. I was bedraggled and upset.

"Shh, be quiet Ginny! Someone's gonna' hear us!" Malfoy warned. Seizing my wrists so I couldn't hit him.

"I want someone to hear, I need to get away from you!" I squealed. I began to cry. Like really cry. Uncontrollably.

"Shh, Ginny, shh, I'm not going to hurt you." Malfoy soothed. He caressed my face with his hand and looked deep into my eyes. I looked into his.

"Yes you will, It's what you do, and anyway, what about 'Mudblood', 'Weasley' and all that crap?!" I asked, dishevelled. He'd put both of his hands onto my face, cupping it.

"I'm sorry, I just don't want them finding out." Malfoy told me smoothly, a slight smile towing at his cheeks.

"Finding out what?" I asked totally bewildered. He flashed his teeth at me. I gasped.

'_No_'

He leaned forward very slowly, tenderly.

'_No_'

His eyes boring into mine. I was breathing heavily.

'_No Ginny'_

His lips met mine, just a slight touch. Not even that. A brush.

'_NO_'

My brain caught up with my actions and I jerked back. He withdrew. I stared at him crazily. Then. I slapped him. Hard. Across the face. Then.

I ran.

I ran hard and fast, Malfoy's cries disappeared almost immediately. My tears were streaming off my face at full force. '_How could you let him do that to you?_' I kept thinking wildly. He'd kissed me. _He'd kissed me. _I don't know what was worse. That I let him, or that for a tiny second I might have enjoyed it? '_Oh Merlin!_' I screamed at myself. I ran to Quidditch practise. Everyone was already there and dressed. Harry saw my face and ran up to me.

"Hey Gin, what's wrong? Where've you been?" He asked. He'd put his hand on my shoulder. I don't know why I did what I did next, but it just happened. I hugged Harry. Hard. I think he was shocked too, because I'd always been shy around him. He hugged me back though, in the same force, which comforted me. We stayed like that for about 5 minutes, with me crying madly into his shoulder, and him consoling me saying things like 'It's ok Gin' and 'We'll get through this.' I was so grateful.

"If you two have finished, we have Quidditch practise." Someone announced from behind us. I let go of Harry and turned around, the whole Quidditch team was there. I wiped my face in embarrassment. Harry stepped forward and gave them some instructions to start warming up. 20 laps around the pitch, stuff like that. When they'd all gone, Harry turned to me.

"Do you wanna' skip practise and sort yourself out?" He asked gently. He'd reached for my hands, and now he held them. I looked at him, he looked at me kindly. Like a brother would to a sister. I was glad.

"Oh, no, thank you, but I'd rather play; I think that would sort me out better than sitting in the common room with nothing to do." I answered quietly. He sighed.

"Ok Gin, but you have to tell me what happened after, ok." He told me firmly.

"Oh, it was nothing, I just-"

"No, Gin, you're not getting out of this one, something happened, and I want to know what it is, all I want to do is help you." He countered softly but stubbornly. I sighed. He was right; I wasn't getting out of this one.

"Ok Harry." I answered honestly. He gave my hands a squeeze and then told me to get my things on and join him on the pitch.

Quidditch practise was pretty good if I'm honest. I got a few bruises and I was soaked through with sweat, but that shows how good it was. It cleared my head too. The wind through my hair, the broom beneath me, the feeling of freedom. I felt I could do anything. I was upset when it finished. I just wanted to fly all day. I was the last to the ground. Like way last. Everyone had gotten changed and left when I touched down. Harry was there though. Obviously. He walked with me to the changing rooms, waited for me outside, and then walked with me to the main hall for lunch. We were chatting the whole time. It was nice. You know what I mean? No worries, no feelings, just friends. I love Harry. Not like that, but like a brother and I'm glad I have him. I told him so too. I stopped in the corridor.

"I'm glad I have you, Harry." I told him genuinely. He stood before me. He smiled at me. Like really smiled. He stepped forward and I jumped into his outstretched arms. We hugged properly. Not like shy girl meets dream boy. More like. Best friends. He lifted me so my feet were off the floor and he carried me down the corridor. I was squealing because he kept squeezing me, so I kept jabbing him in the ribs and he kept wiggling. We were in hysterics when we reached the hall. He put me down as we made our way to our table. Laughing the whole way. We sat down to eat with Ron and Hermione and soon we were all laughing. Luna came and joined us soon enough and with Luna around you can't help but laugh more. Not at her of course. With her. I think she enjoys our company. We really are all best friends.

Harry didn't mention anything about my 'breakdown.' I think he was waiting. I didn't mind. I would wait a long, long time. I knew I'd have to tell him the truth. He wasn't going to like it. He was probably going to hate me. So that's why I wanted him to wait. I wanted this beautiful time to last forever.

I really did.

Love Ginny xx


	6. Quidditch

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October 7th, 1996

Dear Journal,

Sorry it's so late again. I've just been able to write again. Quidditch day was a few days ago. It's all everyone's been talking about. Lessons are quite laid back when a Quidditch match like that is coming up. Everyone was hyped up as soon as they went down to breakfast. The match began at half 2, meaning we still had about 4 and a half lessons… But, as I said, they're pretty laid back.

By the time lunch came round, everyone was as excitable as 'Nargles on Fire whisky'- according to Luna anyways. I'd sat down next to Harry and he'd put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a shake. I'd smiled at Ron, who was sat opposite me, whose face was stuffed with whatever delicacy the kitchens were serving today. Ron's a pretty good keeper, they call him 'The King' and I would say different being his sister, but, he _is_ a decent keeper. I's seen Hermione with her head in a book. She looked up when I had sat down and gave me a big smile. Then she was back in her book. We were all chattering enthusiastically, when something had tapped me on the shoulder. I turned and found a paper aeroplane nudging against me. I had plucked it from my jumper and folded it up into my pocket. I had been too into our conversation to read it yet.

The next lessons had dragged so much for me. I just wanted to get out there. And Professor Snape was too busy droning on about the essence of Flobberworm Mucus. Can you see why it dragged? Merlin, when it was time to change into my Quidditch gear I was almost uninterested. But Harry is our Coach, so it didn't last long. The sky was a clouded grey blanket, but there was a small seam in the knitting (like that metaphor?) Sun rays were exploding through the little gap. I so hoped the clouds would move. We were about to go when I remembered my broom gloves. I told the others to go ahead and that I'd catch them up. I went back into the changing rooms to get my gloves when I remembered the small aeroplane note. I reached into my robe pocket on the bench and opened it. I inhaled sharply.

_'I'm sorry about yesterday; I didn't mean to scare you. I'm glad you slapped me. I hope I can make it up to you. Have a good game today, I hope you win to be honest. I really do, I'm not going to make it easy though. Good luck._

_-D x' _

I gulped. It was a really nice note. And that made it harder to hate it. How dare he send me a note! But it's soooo sweet.

'_No Ginny, you know you can't' _

_'Shut up brain! Shut up!'_

Have you ever argued with yourself? It gets you nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. And anyway, I had a Quidditch match, I couldn't stand here and dwell.

_'Move!'_

I did as I was told. I had to forget I saw that, it would put me off my game.

_'C'mon Ginny, you can do this! You can!' _

I reached my team on the ground and Harry gave us a pep talk. Stuff like _'We've beat them before we can do it again'_ and _'It's bloody Slytherin, we owe it to Godric to win.' _He's pretty good at pep talks. We bumped chests- it's a tradition- and hit the air. Malfoy was already up there, he saw me and smiled apologetically. I almost fell off my broom.

_'Get with it Ginny' _I stated to myself. When we were all in our positions, and the crowds screams died down a tad. The whistle blew.

And we were off.

I think I was playing pretty well. I had no idea where Harry and Malfoy were. But at the moment we were winning 70 to 50. I was in high spirits. I kept dodging the bludgers and kept scoring a good few goals.

It was almost full time.

I was about to catch the quaffle, when a gust of wind blew my broom of course and straight into a bludger. It didn't hit me, thank Merlin.

_'What did it hit th-?' _I began to ask myself. Then I realised.

I was falling. I looked beneath me and realised what it had hit. My broom. It had snapped straight in half. I was particularly high too. I screamed. Loud. I was waving my hands for help, there were plenty of onlookers.

_'Do something!'_

I screamed again, now scared because nobody seemed to be doing anything. I screamed and screamed until the breath was knocked out of me. Had I hit the ground? Why am I still awake then. I looked down and I was on a broom. I looked forward and saw Malfoy in front of me. He didn't look back. I grabbed onto his waist. He looked like he was struggling. Then I noticed the broom shaking uncontrollably. Malfoy didn't have any control.

"Draco!" I screamed. We were headed for a goalpost. He looked back at me.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. I stared wild eyed.

He pushed me off his broom.

I screeched at the top of my lungs. I landed with a loud thud and a cracking of whatever the hell just broke inside of me. I stayed awake long enough to hear the dull thud of another body hitting the ground about a metre away from me. Then the darkness consumed me.

That's all I remembered and then I awoke here, in the hospital wing. I've been here since I hit the ground that day. I've had loads of visitors, so what I tell you now are their interpretations.

I'll start with Harry's:

He said that he and Malfoy were having a head on race for the Snitch, dead fast, dead on the target, and then Malfoy just veered off. In the total opposite direction of the Snitch. Harry didn't know what for and so carried on and ended up catching the Snitch and winning the game for Gryffindor. He came to the pitch and saw me and Malfoy on the floor. He raced towards me. Malfoy was waking up a bit, but I was totally out. Harry says he walked straight up to Malfoy and asked what the hell happened. And Malfoy just replied with "I hurt her didn't I, I hurt her." And he seemed really concerned. Like really. He even tried to help me to the hospital wing, but was told off by Pansy for going anywhere near any Gryffindor. Harry says he sees Malfoy quite often at the hospital wing door's, peeking in before lessons.

Ron's:

I didn't see much because I was keeping my eyes on the quaffle. I _am_ a keeper you know Ginny.

Hermione's:

Well, that bludger hit your broom and you were going _down_. Everyone held their breath, I think everyone was just so shocked, that they didn't think to do anything. You were almost at the floor when Malfoy just swept you up onto his broom, but the extra weight and the fact that he was already flying at speed made him lose control of the broom. You two were headed straight for the goal post, if you had hit it; you probably wouldn't have been awake for a long while. When Malfoy pushed you off everyone was outraged at first, but then he jumped straight off after you and everyone realised it was to save your lives. You were higher up when you came off though, because after you came off, something happened with the broom and it just plummeted. That's when Malfoy jumped. And anyway, you landed on your back and Malfoy managed to hit the ground at an angle where he could roll. He was out for about 3 minutes before he came to. And everyone just heard him scream your name Ginny.

"What's going on with you two? Why did he save you?" Hermione asked. I was still in the hospital wing, and Ron, Fred and George had left for something to eat. I was left with Harry and Hermione.

"That's what you were upset about at Quidditch practise wasn't it Gin?" Harry asked solemnly, although his eyes were plain.

"No, it was noth-" I began.

"Cut the crap Gin! You told me you'd tell me! Stop making excuses Ginny, and just bloody tell me!" Harry shouted. He wasn't that angry, just frustrated. It hurt nonetheless.

"Harry…" Hermione whispered.

"No-" They turned to me. "He's right. I need to stop tiptoeing around the truth." I stated. I took a deep breath. They were going to hate me.

"You're going to hate me." I sighed. They seemed to sit up straighter.

"It started on the train ride here-" I started.

"Where Malfoy stayed back with you?" Harry finished with a bored look on his face. I gasped taken aback.

"Wait, how… How do you know about that?" I asked astonished.

"Please, you told Hagrid, Ginny." Hermione answered a slight glint in her eye. I groaned. '_Oh…' _Harry grunted. I looked at him questioningly.

"You mean to tell me that, you knew about the whole train scenario thing, but you can't work out what's happening now?" I asked, confused, but smiling. Harry grunted again. The twinkle in Hermione's eye had become apparent.

"I knew it!" Hermione declared excitedly. She squeezed my hand. I smiled at her. Hermione was a really good best friend and it was good to see her without a book in her hand.

"Why are you getting excited, there's nothing to get excited about." Harry acknowledged sulkily. I turned to him.

"I'm not getting excited, you're right; there is nothing to get excited about. You know I think Malfoy's a piece of crap." I shared. Hermione looked shock. Harry's mouth opened.

"What? I thought you two were an item?" He asked bluntly. I laughed.

"Of course not, do you think I'm that stupid Harry?" I told him playfully. Harry sighed with relief.

"Oh, thank Merlin." He answered. Hermione interrupted us.

"He fancies you though." Hermione said, smiling like an idiot. I could feel my cheeks burning, and could imagine the redness they were showing at that moment. Hermione giggled. Harry stood. Hermione pulled him back down.

"But if there _were_ anything to happen, you would be ok with that wouldn't you Harry?" She asked, it was sort of rhetorical, but she wanted an answer.

"What? There won't be any-"

"Won't you Harry?" Hermione interjected again. I stared at them. They actually thought something was going to happen between me and him. Would it? No. Yes?

Harry huffed. "Yes…" He answered robotically. He got up to leave. I frowned at him, and he bent down to hug me.

"Just be careful Gin, I don't want you getting hurt, ok?" He whispered in my ear.

"I know Harry, I do" I countered. He pulled back to look into my face. He kissed my forehead. I shivered. He walked off.

Hermione jumped onto the bed, and sat cross legged opposite me.

"Spill." She uttered.

So I did.

That's all for now, I'm tired from 'spilling' everything to Hermione. She squealed at everything, and at one point Madame Pomfrey stuck her head out of her office to scold her. I couldn't stop giggling. It was proper girl talk that I haven't had in _ages_. I love Hermione lots. She had to leave when Madame Pomfrey told her visiting hours were over. She said her goodbyes and winked at me playfully, I went red again. She laughed and danced off, making me laugh harder. Madame Pomfrey lectured me about using too much energy and told me to rest. So that's what I'm doing. Goodnight. Sleep well.

Love Ginny xx


	7. Bad

**Please give me some suggestions on what I could write about next, or for the next chapters to this story? Replies to reviews**

October 14th, 1996

Dear Journal,

It's late again, I know. But. I'm back in lessons and I have a _lot _to catch up on, so I'm getting extra homework. Yay me. So yeah, I've been 'catching up'. I have to get extra tutorials in potions as well. And guess who teaches me potions; Snape. And guess who's house he is head of; Slytherin. And just _guess_ who he gets to come along and help in tutorials?! Yes, you've guessed it. Draco Malfoy.

Even I wish I was kidding.

But no, it's all true. Every Tuesday I have to go. At 6pm. So everyone else is in their common rooms. Not me.

I've already had one, and that was on the 8th and I have another one tomorrow. Yay.

The thing is, I _am_ sarcastic about it, but I've been _brought up_ to hate the Malfoy's so I can't help it. But, the fact is. Malfoy is actually alright to me. All he keeps doing is asking how I am, and if I still hurt from the Quidditch accident. I always say I'm fine, but the look in his eyes; its pain, it's like I'm half dead and he can't reach me. This is what he now asks me after lessons, at breaks and lunch breaks. Instead of whispering _'I know you like me.'_ I don't know which is worse to be honest? I don't hate Malfoy anymore. I don't know if that breaks my promise about getting 'involved' I hope it doesn't. Because I'm not really involved with him am I. Am I?

On the 8th I had just come out of Transfiguration, my last lesson of the day, when I saw Malfoy leaning against the staircase. He was watching me. At this point I didn't know he was going to be helping me in my 'tutorial lessons' with Snape. He smiled a small smile at me. I told my friends I'd catch them up. They left. I walked up to Malfoy. I was going to thank him for saving my life. Which is basically what he did. He stiffened as I approached, then relaxed almost immediately. He had his hands in his pockets giving off the typical 'boy' look. I inhaled.

"Er…" He began, I cut him off.

"Thanks." I said. He looked at me weird.

"For the whole 'you saved my life' thing" I explained. He smiled at me. But his eyes looked hurt.

"I should have done better." He mumbled. It was my turn to look at him weird.

"You still ended up in the hospital wing." He explained. I sighed. When was he going to let that go? I huffed.

I started off down the corridor to Potions. I could hear him after me.

"Didn't Snape tell you?" He asked modestly. I looked at him, he seemed serious. I shrugged.

"I'm helping out in your Potions tutorials." He clarified. I sighed.

"So be it." I replied. He smiled at that one.

It would have dragged so much, if Malfoy wasn't there. It sounds weird saying that. I used to hate him, now he's making me smile. Snape is more boring when it's private lessons. Lecturing and lecturing. If Malfoy hadn't been behind him, pulling faces, I would have died. Mind, I almost died when he did that, because I had to hold my breath to try and keep my laughter in. When it had finally finished we were walking down the corridor.

"I can't wait for the next one." Malfoy exclaimed excitedly. I laughed. Oh, he was going to get me into so much trouble soon enough.

"I can. Seriously, he's so, so, so boring. Like, I would fall asleep if it wasn't for you making faces." I said, smiling widely.

"Wow, was that a compliment from Ginny Weasley?" He asked sarcastically. I blushed.

"No, dream on Malfoy." I told him with a grin. He laughed. Then stopped abruptly, both in talking and in walking.

"What?" I asked. I'd stopped too. He looked into my eyes.

"Are you ok Ginny? Like really?" He asked seriously. I rolled my eyes at him, he stiffened.

"When are you going to let it go Malfoy? I'm fine, I would have been a lot worse off if you hadn't saved me." I told him sternly. He sighed. He looked sullen and upset. I had had enough of this.

"Come with me." I instructed him. I grabbed his hand, he gasped abruptly, and I lead him away down the corridor, we were about to turn the corner when I saw Pansy further down. I backed up, bumping into Malfoy. We were close to each other; I could feel his heat and smell his sweet apple scent. I inhaled sharply.

_'Concentrate Ginny.'_

"Pansy" I whispered. He grunted. Then he did something I thought boys weren't allowed to do to girls. He pushed me, hard. Right in the middle of the corridor. I squealed. Pansy turned her head. I bit my tongue with shock. The absolute idiot.

"Get away Weasel, you're a disgrace to the Wizarding world!" Malfoy yelled, storming up to me. Our faces were centimetres apart. He winked. And mouthed _'Play along.'_

_'Oh..'_

"Me?! You're a man whore Malfoy, but you don't deserve anyone or anything, not even a dark mark!" I screamed. He looked really hurt. I smiled shyly and mouthed _'sorry'_ He shook it off.

"How dare you, my father will hear about this!" He countered angrily. I stepped back. I looked down the corridor and Pansy was rushing our way.

"You're a Weasley! Poor and wearing hand-me down clothes! All your siblings are boys! You're not even a girl, never mind a witch!" He raged. It was my turn to be hurt. He apologised with his eyes. I understood. We needed to make this believable.

"What the hell?! Do you want me to deck her, Draco?!" Pansy asked, raging herself. I stepped back again.

"No, I'll handle this one, Darling." He bared his teeth. Pansy blushed, obviously smitten that he'd called her 'Darling.' Malfoy handled her pretty well, making her forget her rage for a moment.

"Ok sweetie." She replied coyly. He took a step forward, towards me.

"Go to hell Malfoy!" I roared. I turned on my heel, and began a brisk walk down the corridor. I could hear Pansy asking Malfoy to come after me; he told her no, he'd 'handle' me. I could hear his footsteps after me. I turned the corner, out of sight of them both. I waited there.

Malfoy bounded into me. He caught me, because I lost my balance. We were in each other's arms when we heard Pansy's footsteps. I thought they were leaving. But then I realised they were getting _louder_. I looked at Malfoy. He grabbed my hand and whisked me down the corridor.

Giggling, we reached the astronomy tower. We went to the ledge, and by know we were in hysterics. We couldn't speak. Only a few words got out.

"Your face!" Malfoy.

"Your acting!" Me.

"Oh wow!" Malfoy.

"I know!" Me.

We calmed ourselves down enough to talk. I realised we were where I was planning on bringing Malfoy in the first place, yet Malfoy had brought _me_ here.

"Why here?" I asked.

"I had an idea you'd bring me here, it's sort of our place, you know?" He said, giving me a sideways glance. I did know. No-one else really came here.

"Why do you care?" I asked bluntly. He looked shocked, and then covered it instantly.

"About?" He asked back. I rolled my eyes. I shuffled closer to him, he let out his breath. We were looking out at the black lake. Black lake sounds intimidating, but it was beautiful tonight.

"You know." I whispered. He turned to face me. He put his hands on my shoulders.

"You want to know why I like you so much." I took a sharp intake of breath. To hear him say it out loud was new. It felt good.

_'Is that bad?'_

I nodded. He turned back to the lake, but he put his hand on mine. I didn't shake him off.

"Because ever since that incident on the train I couldn't help but feel that you are what I've been looking for. And I know that's such a cheesy thing to say-" I giggled "- But it's _true_. And I know. _I know_ our family's hate each other. But I just can't hate you Ginny, even if you hate me. It's just, when Pansy first hit you, I got really angry. Like really, _really _angry. And I'd never felt that anger before. And I realised what it was. It was the fact that-" He turned to face me, our faces inches apart. "- I care about you Ginny, a lot. And it killed me when you slapped me the other week, but I'm glad you did. I'm just used to getting what I want. But that's selfish. And then the Quidditch match-" He choked "- I just, I'd hurt you, and I don't deserve you and I'm glad you haven't taken me, but I still want you. And I wish I didn't because I'm bad for you." He finished with a sigh; he avoided my eye and looked out at the view.

I could not believe I was hearing this.

_-__The_ Draco Malfoy.

-Pure blood status.

-A family of Deatheaters.

-He was definitely bad for me.

"You're right." I said. He turned to look at me. Face falling. He turned on his heel, but faced me when he was at the top of the stairs.

"You are bad for me." I told him. He sighed wistfully.

"I know, I'm glad you agree. I don't want you to take me." He told me, he was pretty convincing if you didn't notice his eyes. They were beyond sad. He turned to leave.

"Draco?" I called quietly. He turned abruptly. He smiled.

"Whoa, you called me Draco." He exclaimed. I walked up to him. His smile faltered.

"I'm so bad for you. I wish I wasn't, but that wouldn't mean you'd still take me, I mean, even if I was good, you wouldn't take me, I mean I'd hoped you would, but you wouldn't have-"

"Yes, you're right. You're so, so bad." I agreed. Again, he looked crestfallen. He turned again. I grabbed his arm. He gave me a questioning look.

"Too bad." I muttered.

"Ginny, I'll leave you alone, you won't have to see me-"

He couldn't finish his sentence.

Why?

I sort of, may have, could possibly have kissed him.

Tell you the rest tomorrow! Goodnight, Sweet dreams.

Love Ginny xx


	8. Love escapades

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Got stuck on where this story was headed.**

**Replies to reviews.**

October 16th, 1996

Dear Journal,

Sooooo…..

I'm really, reaaally sorry.

I kissed him.

Yes. But.

And that's a big but.

I am not involved, so I haven't broken my promise. Seriously. Maybe I lost my self-control this time, but I will not again. OK. I won't. I won't let myself. Anyway, back to the _'story'._

Well, I kissed him. It sort of just happened. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't think I _was_ thinking to be perfectly honest.

He kept his eyes open at first to give me an astonished look and I went to pull away because I could not believe I just threw myself onto him like that, but Malfoy slowly seemed to realise exactly what I was doing and closed his eyes and grabbed onto my robes and pulled me closer to him, he slowly melted into me, his hands exploring my back and my hands touching his chest, I've never realised how hard his abs are. It sounds so soppy and clichéd, but it was like we became one. And I seriously mean that. And I'm _not_ a soppy bastard. We clung on to each other for a while, our lips brushing over each other's gently and magically. He teased me by tilting his tongue towards my teeth, and trying to gain entry, I teased him back by not letting him. Malfoy pulled me closer and I let him. Then I remembered who I was. And I remembered who _he_ was.

I pulled back.

He let me go. He righted himself, as he looked a little flustered. I was too. He opened his eyes and looked at me confused.

"Ginny, I'm-" He began.

I ran.

It's all I seem to be good at.

I ran away from him, the ghost of his hands and lips still on my body. I didn't run to my common room though, I ran away. Away from the school. Because, even though I love the place, it reminds me of who I am, and the reasons why I can't be with_ him_. I ran from the deserted corridors and out of the main building. All students should have been in bed by then, but I didn't care. I ran to Hagrid's, I thought about going in there, but heard him snoring loudly and didn't want to wake him. So I kept running. I ran into the Forbidden Forest.

I am not a rule breaker.

I don't know why I broke that rule, I don't even know where my nerve came from, but I still ran. I ran hard and fast. Deep into the forest. I was flustered, sweating and for some stupid reason, crying when I came to a stop. Well. I didn't really come to a stop, I crashed to a stop, the thing about forests is they have trees, and trees have roots, and roots are evil and sneak up on you to trip you. So I fell hard, grazing my hands as I skidded to a stop. I heard a ripping sound and sighed heavily. I turned around and saw that my robes had split at the hood.

I screamed. Loud.

Why did this have to happen to me, everything just gets worse and worse. For Merlin's sake, it's like everything is out to get me! I sat there for a long time; head in my hands sobbing my heart out, not caring what creatures were there to witness me. I heard all sorts of sounds, and I didn't care, they could come after me if they wanted, but I was not in the mood. I'm sure they could see that. Soon my crying eased to a quiet sniffing and I lifted my head to see the stars glimmering past the tree canopies. I heard someone cough. I whipped around.

Professor Dumbledore sat on a nearby tree stump watching me. I shuffled backwards and backed into a tree.

"Well, Miss Weasley, I am glad to see you get that out of your system, it's been strangling you for a while." He stated, as though I was an old friend and he's asked me how I'd been the past couple of years I hadn't seen him.

"Er…"

"Now, now, I'm sure you will explain to me what has gotten into you, Miss Weasley, but I would prefer that I talked first, wouldn't you?" He said as he stood from his tree stump.

"Er… Yes, Professor" I answered.

"I've noticed you being a little, how should I put it. . .'off', these past couple of weeks Miss Weasley, but I have kept to myself hoping you could figure it out. That stunt in Quidditch brought you back for a while and then you went 'off' once more. So I have been keeping a close eye on you. Then I witnessed you running down here from my completing my errands tonight and decided to follow you as you know well that all students should be in bed at this time-" I nodded slowly. "And I saw you decide whether or not to talk to Hagrid, and then I watched you run down here. Now, Miss Weasley, it was quite difficult for an old man like myself to keep up with a young Witch like you, but I managed it. I sat here waiting for you to get it all out of you. I have gotten to know women fairly well through all of my years. It may surprise you. However, I know when to leave a young woman like you to yourself for a while. Another however though, Miss Weasley, as much as you have womanly needs, I have a school to run and to run my school I set rules and I do not expect those rules to be broken. Do you understand, Miss Weasley?" He asked, finishing his lecture. Hopefully. I nodded sulkily.

"And you understand that your actions have consequences must that action be reckless." He stated the question more like a fact, but still wanted an answer.

"Yes, Professor." I replied sullenly. Not looking him in the eye.

"You do realise how much danger you put yourself in tonight by coming down here, there is a reason I do not permit students down into the forest." He kept rambling on. I was respectful though.

"Yes, Professor." I replied again.

"Good, now tell me about this boy." He indicated bluntly. I looked at him sharply. Taken aback by his accuracy.

"How, ho-" I stuttered.

"I am no fool, Miss Weasley, I know a broken heart when I see one." He explained gently. I stood up.

"I do _not_ have a broken heart! I am _not_ weak, I do _not_ get broken hearts and I certainly _won't_ let a boy get that close to-"

"Now, now child. I only ask you to give me your side of the story. On a need to know basis, keep the personal things to yourself if you so wish." Professor Dumbledore clarified sternly, but softly. I sat back down, dumbfounded.

"Well, you were right about a boy." I said, apologetically. Dumbledore nodded understandingly.

"It's just, I'm not supposed to like him, but he likes me, which he isn't supposed to either, and if I start to fall for him, I'll lose everything else worth something to me, my friends, my family, my respect, and I cannot lose them for a _boy_. This boy has been horrid to all of us for the past 6 years we've been here at Hogwarts, and all of a sudden, he's in love with me and I'm what he's searching for? No, it's not fair. I didn't get a say and that's not fair. Why should I let him make me feel the way I do. I'm supposed to hate him. He's supposed to hate me. It's not just my family that will hate me if I fall for him, it's his too. And, I'm not scared of them; I'm scared of what they do. I do not to be on the end of it. But we're _supposed_ to hate each other. That's how it should go, but now he's gone and changed everything." I blabbered. Dumbledore hummed wisely.

"Love isn't spoken for, Miss Weasley, I trust you know that you cannot help who you may or may not fall in love with." Dumbledore assured intelligently. I huffed, and slumped to the floor.

"I am _not_ in love." I argued hotly.

"You must understand, Ginny, that from my perspective, you aren't all that convincing." Professor Dumbledore sighed.

"Bu-"

"No but's, Ginny, I can assure you that _liking_ this boy won't change anything. If your friends cannot get past the fact that you love him, then they aren't much of what a friend must be. As for your family, they will soon get over it if he proves himself to you. As will his, if you are indeed 'what he is searching for'. As for your respect, nobody said you had to announce your little love escapade to the whole Wizarding world. Merlin, it's your business, Ginny, and it is your choice to share it." Dumbledore finished with a triumphant slap to the knee.

I looked down. He was fairly convincing. But I didn't want him to be. Blame it on teenage hormones if you want, but I didn't want to do what he said. For no reason really. Other than the fact I didn't want to let people down, or myself. Mainly myself.

I started to stand up. Dumbledore put a hand on my shoulder.

"As much as I am intrigued by what you will do, I understand it is not my business, but the consequences of you recklessness is, so if you would accompany me to my office chambers, I shall devise a punishment." He explained drily. I nodded then turned my back and started up towards the school. I heard Dumbledore chuckle behind me. I turned to face him.

"What?" I asked politely.

"Oh, just the fact that you think we shall be walking back, it amuses oneself. If you would so much as hold my arm, Ginny." He smiled brazenly at me. I was confused but did as he asked.

"This may feel funny." He assured.

"Wha-"

My stomach dropped. I was being sucked into this thing. My insides squeezed dangerously and I was close to vomiting. And as abruptly as it had started, it stopped. I fell to the floor in a cold sweat.

"Oh my, this always happens when it is a first try. I shall go get something to help you, Miss Weasley." And with that Dumbledore left me. I was lying on the floor shaking like a leaf and Dumbledore left me. Just left.

Why not?

I was stuck on the floor, I couldn't move. I was shaky and weak. I looked around and sure enough I was in Dumbledore's office. Pictures of him sleeping on the wall, and of other famous wizards that I should probably know of but don't. On his desk were all sorts of quills and newspaper cuttings. I was guessing that Tom Riddle's diary was in his top draw when Dumbledore came shuffling back in the room. He knelt down beside me and held something to my mouth. I peered at him.

"Go on, it shall help." He ensured. I opened my mouth and felt the smoothness of chocolate brush my tongue and slowly melt into the back of my throat. Dumbledore was right. It did help. I muttered for more, and he gave me more. Soon I was able to sit up on my own.

"Not only does chocolate help with Dementors, they are excellent for apparition lag too." He babbled. He sat down on the steps in his room. I breathed heavily.

"Thank you Professor."

"Oh none at all, Miss Weasley. Now, for your punishment."

I groaned inwardly. I rolled my eyes too.

"Now, now Ginny, you know the rules." Dumbledore said heavily. I nodded again. It's all I seemed to do tonight.

"Ahh, you shall accompany Professor Snape on his errands around the school on Wednesdays after lessons are over to investigate the students of Slytherin's dormitories, as things have been going missing from the personals. I shall allow Snape to take you into the Slytherin Common Room, although you can never spread the whereabouts of it, I trust you to do this Miss Weasley."

I almost fell to the floor again. I was going to be spending a lot of time in the Slytherin Common room. Where Malfoy would certainly be.

Great.

And with Snape.

Brilliant.

"Yes, Professor."

"You shall continue this for four weeks, and spend an hour doing it each Wednesday."

I grated. "Yes, Professor."

"Well then, now that we have sorted that out, you may go back to your common room, I expect you to attend all lessons tomorrow, I would not appreciate you being late because you have perhaps slept in, is that clear, Miss Weasley?" Professor Dumbledore said stubbornly.

"Yes, Professor."

"Good, have a good sleep Ginny." Dumbledore flashed me a small smile of understanding and turned to leave through the back of his office. I went down the stairs.

I got to my common room and headed for the stairs to my dorm as quietly as possible when I heard a grunt. I turned around.

"You need to explain all of this when we have the time ok Gin?" Harry asked, stepping closer to me. I took in a breath.

"Yeah, ok Harry, not now though." I pleaded with him.

"No, not now." Harry smiled slightly. He seemed to hesitate then bent down and kissed my cheek. I gasped. I had only dreamed of this ever happening, and now, when I don't care, he does. Well that's just typical. Honestly, _boys_! He lifted his head and whispered in my ear.

"I care about you Gin, but I also worry about you." Then he stepped past me, and went to bed.

As for me?

I just stood there. Flabbergasted.

Harry Potter just kissed my cheek. Wow.

But I don't like him anymore. I might like his arch enemy. How great is this for me. See the sarcasm? Oh Merlin!

I turned and sprinted up the stairs to my dorm, too upset and confused to think anymore. I jumped into bed, still in my clothes, and tried to get to sleep for ages. But it wouldn't come.

I'm sure I'll only get a couple of hours. That's why I decided to write to you now. I can't sleep. I don't think I'll ever sleep again. That's upsetting.

Well.

Goodnight. For you that is.

Love Ginny xx


	9. Oh Merlin

**Replies to reviews**

October 23rd, 1996

Dear Journal,

The past couple of days have been _TORTURE_.

TORTUREEEE!

_'Sort of'_

I am seriously thinking about faking a Muggle disease to just stay curled up in my bed for the rest of the year.

Seriously.

Unfortunately.

I'm a good girl.

Anyways.

I shall share my misgivings with you. As you are a great secret keeper.

Well.

First off, Malfoy has been trying to get my attention every corner I turn. He's always trying to catch my eye, and he's becoming less discreet as time goes on. Hermione asked me about it the other day.

"Just tell me what_ happened,_ Ginny." She'd asked when we were in our dorm getting ready for bed; I'd huffed at her, as this was at least the millionth time she'd asked me.

"The answer hasn't changed, Hermione. I just don't like him, the way you don't like him, the way Harry and Ron don't like him, the way every frigging Gryffindor doesn't like him, why does it matter if_ I_ don't like him?!" I'd hissed at her moodily.

"Well something happened, Ginny. I'll find out in the end, don't take it out on me because your feelings are mixed up." She'd replied calmly.

That shut me up. It hurt because she was right. I knew she knew something had happened. The way Harry knows something had happened. The only people who haven't realised are my brothers.

Thank Merlin. I don't mind that at all.

Malfoy is going to become less discreet though and that's troubling. It's unbelievable really. But I suppose I'm being unbelievable. After that magical kiss, I choose to ignore him instead of talk to him about it.

Childish. I know.

But I just don't feel like talking to him. (And I'm secretly hoping that if I don't see or talk to him my crush on him will disappear.) It hasn't worked so far. He got me yesterday though...

I was coming from Transfiguration and I had left my quill behind so I traipsed back by myself and he caught me.

"Hey, Ginny I really think we should talk, you know?" He said, timidly. I stopped in the corridor and turned around to him.

"Talk about what, Malfoy? Your crush on me? Or the fact you kissed me on the astronomy tower?" I spat back.

I was being a total bitch. I know ok. I know.

"What?! You were the one that kissed _me_, Ginny, and you and I both know it. I thought I was the bad one, but at least I accept my feelings. Come talk to me when you've grown up!" He shouted. He stormed off down the opposite direction and didn't look back once. I hoped he would. I wish I knew why.

So if me being a bitch isn't enough torture for you to accept. Try adding onto the fact that Harry keeps being really _'Unharry'_ around me. He's being all awkward when we're around people, but when we're alone, he's really…

Well…

Sweet. And caring. Exactly what I wanted from him when I loved him.

Oh and on top of that, Ron's catching on that something's going on. Baring in mind he's my brother aaannnddd he tells my other brothers. It's literally been hell.

They keep asking what's wrong now, and I have nothing to tell them. And that pisses them off.

"For Merlin's sake Ginny, we're trying to help!" Ron would shout. It hurts but not as much as what Fred and George do. They ask and I tell them nothing and then, they just look at me disappointedly and walk away. I hate it.

Oh, and I almost forgot. My punishment for sneaking out? That's hell too.

_'Kind of'_

On Wednesday after lessons, I went to meet Snape at the Grand Hall. He was already there. Obviously.

"Now, Miss Weasley, I expect Professor Dumbledore has already told you about the…secrecy, of this… punishment." The Professor hissed.

"Ye-"

"And I expect you to listen and do as I say, even if it seems …odd." He kept saying.

Urg.

"Yes Profe-"

"And I do not expect you to disrupt the Slytherin common room."

If I haven't told you already. I hate Snape.

"Yes." I replied, expecting him to interrupt me again.

"Yes… What?"

Is he frigging serious?

"Yes, Professor." I sighed.

"Good. Follow me, Miss Weasley."

I followed. We wandered the corridors for some time. We passed the Potions classrooms and reached the kitchens. We passed those too. Heading further down the school.

_'Seems about right, the Slytherin common room would be down near the dungeons.'_

We reached the end of the corridor, where there was one door. Snape pushed and muttered something under his breath. The door opened.

We entered.

It was better than I'd thought it would be actually. There were no cobwebs and dead things hanging from the ceilings. It wasn't even dark. I walked in and the living room was actually quite cosy, the walls were different shades of green, with photographs of previous Slytherin Witch's and Wizards that were important. I half expected Voldemort to be hung up, but then I remembered Dumbledore is head of this school. Not Snape. The curtains were black and silvery. The fire was burning away and Slytherin's milled around. They looked up as we came in, saw Snape and smiled, then saw me behind him. They scowled like they'd smelled sour milk.

"Could you gather all Slytherin students here please?" Snape called to a few of them. They did as they were told. Not before they scowled some more. I swear I'd lose my mind if I was here long enough. I know what it's like to not belong. But this was a whole new level.

A few minutes later, the whole living space was filled with Slytherin's.

It was awful.

"What's she doing here?!" Pansy yelled as soon as it had gotten quiet enough for her to be heard.

"Now, now, Pansy, I shall explain." Snape answered coolly. I held my breath. I saw Malfoy near the back, leaning against the wall. He caught my eyes and held them.

I looked away first.

"As some of you know, personal things have been going missing from students in our house. Professor Dumbledore has asked if Ginny Weasley can accompany me to search your things, I suppose that the reason behind this is that… Many of you would not like _someone _to go through your things, so we hope whoever… if anyone in here knows anything, could… speak up." Snape explained. Sneering at the word someone. Talk about being subtle.

At least all the Slytherin's looked shell shocked. Ha.

"Well, someone own up! I'm not getting my things searched through by _her!_" Pansy commanded. Looking at anyone she could lay her eyes on. Some Slytherin's actually cowered beneath her. Urg. She shouldn't have that control.

Nobody said anything.

"Own up!" Pansy screamed. Snape was just about to say something when someone interrupted.

"What happens if no one here actually took anything?" Malfoy asked silkily. Pansy stopped shrieking, looking at Snape expectantly.

"I am afraid, we shall still have to search everything, to make sure that what you're saying is… true, and then we shall take that information to Professor Dumbledore and see what he… makes of it." Snape answered smoothly. Pansy stormed off up to her dorm.

No one owned up.

"Well then, Miss Weasley and myself will start here, in the living quarters… tonight." Snape exclaimed when he realised no one was going to say anything at all. Most of the Slytherin's groaned and went back to what they were doing, some of them stayed in the living room. Malfoy was one of them. He sat himself down on the couch and began reading.

He looked so majestic and smart, I couldn't help but stare. I could have imagined it, but I'm sure I saw a smile tug at this cheeks. I looked away.

"Start in the cupboards over there… Miss Weasley." Snape ordered. I nodded, and crossed the room. I opened the doors and gasped. I hadn't found any personal items. But the things in here were… well… They were beautiful. There were goblets, glasses, jewellery, all with the Slytherin logo on them. They were dark green and silver or black. They were quite interesting to look at. I picked up one of the goblets and inspected it.

I went through a lot of cupboards and draws, all finding goblets and jewellery, I picked up a fairly interesting goblet. Spinning it round in my hands. So engrossed in the goblet I didn't hear the footsteps behind me.

"They're the prized possessions of Slytherin." Malfoy whispered in my ear, making me jump and almost dropping the goblet. He chuckled lightly.

"Don't do that." I whisper-shouted back. He chuckled again. He was right behind me.

"They were found in Salazar Slytherin's bed space after he left, no one knew why he left them, but they were all engraved with this logo that no one had ever seen before, and thought too valuable to throw away. Then after Slytherin house was created, it was appropriate to give them to the house." Malfoy explained. He leant against the cabinet staring at me.

"Oh, how did he come up with the logo?" I asked, trying to keep my cheeks from burning.

"That's the mystery. Nobody knows." Malfoy whispered, in a mock deadly serious voice. I giggled. And his eyes softened.

"Does anyone know where he got the objects in the first place?" I whispered quietly, touching the silver necklaces.

"No, but rumour has it, he went on travels to find inspiration, for something, he had no idea what. He just, went with it." Malfoy whispered back, with real intensity. I looked at him, a little puzzled. He must have seen my confusion.

"He just went with his gut feeling, his instincts." He muttered, stepping closer, never moving his eyes away from mine. I exhaled slowly. I dropped the necklace I had been holding and stepped closer too. I don't know what I was doing, whenever he's there, it's like he has control over my body and my mind. We were inches apart. I was staring up into his blue/grey eyes. They were beautiful. I could feel his heat. He caught a strand of my hair and tucked it behind my ear deliberately. We began slowly moving closer.

"Miss Weasley?"

We jumped back like two kids being caught stealing sweets or something.

Snape was still at the other side of the room with his back turned. I took deep breaths and straightened my hair with my hands. Malfoy was breathing heavily too. We looked at each other again, and I couldn't help it. I giggled. A smile spread across his face and I almost doubled over with trying to stifle my laugh.

"Miss Weasley?!" Snape had turned around and stared at me, then at Malfoy, then at me again. He seemed to shake his head a little, pushing away a thought.

"Find anything?" He asked.

I put on a straight face.

"No Professor, no personals." I answered, I heard Malfoy breath a laugh and had to bite my tongue from giggling again.

"Alright, well we better go, so you can catch up on the things you've missed… by being here." Snape explained. I gasped, we'd been here for just over an hour. For some reason it didn't feel that long.

"Alright, Professor." I answered, trying to hide the sulkiness from my voice. I succeeded. I turned to close the cupboard doors when Malfoy discreetly whispered.

"Went with his feelings."

I felt like a tomato, my cheeks burned hot and I pushed my hair away from my face. I looked at him. He looked at me. Not smiling. But not scowling. Just seeing.

Then I turned away and left the Slytherin common room.

I was back in my dorm and I couldn't sleep, I was tossing and turning, tortured by decisions I'd have to make. I got up and left my dorm.

I went down to the common room for a bit of space, Harry was sitting on the sofa, watching the fire. He heard me and turned. Gave me a small smile. Then turned back to the fire. I was about to leave him to his thoughts when he caught me off guard.

"I still hope his face will shine through the fire and talk to me, you know." He said it so quietly, I almost didn't hear him.

"Oh Harry." I whispered back. I walked over to the sofa and sat beside him. He reached for my hand and held fast.

"I just think that everyone I love will die because of me sooner or later." He said sullenly.

"Don't you dare say that, Harry Potter. They did not die in vain. And don't you ever think it's your fault. It's His. And you know it is." I had advised.

Ha. Me trying to play shrink. Ironic when you look at my situation where I won't even know what to do about Malfoy. Harry seemed to read my mind. He brought his face close to mine. We were only inches apart when he whispered.

"Why have you stopped talking to Malfoy? I see him try to get your attention you know." He asked slowly.

I didn't take my eyes off of his.

"Maybe I wanted time away from him. It's hard you know. Him being who he is. I don't want that.-" Lie. "I don't like him.-" Lie. "I don't think I ever did.-" Another lie. "I don't want him." There was no truth in that whatsoever.

I can_not_ _believe_ what happened next!

Harry closed the distance between us. He tilted his head forward so our lips met in the middle.

_'Malfoy'_

I closed my eyes and let myself be taken by him.

_'Malfoy'_

My arms closed around his neck and he pulled me into him.

_'Malfoy'_

His hands were around my back.

_'Malfoy'_

He pulled me onto his lap.

_'Malfoy! Malfoy! Malfoy!'_

Harry's hands began sliding down my back, lower and lower. I jerked back.

"I'm sorry Gin, I don't know what I was thinking! That was wrong." He apologised quickly, placing his hands on my hips and squeezing regretfully. I shook my head at him.

"No, no it's not that, I just… It's so complicated." I said gently, standing up.

"Oh, I see, well, I'm always here Gin. Always." He said timidly, standing up to leave. I pulled him back and kissed his cheek.

"I know, and I love you for it." I told him. He smiled gently, but I could tell it was forced.

We began to make our way to our dorms. I stood at the door about to enter when he grabbed my waist and turned me around into him. He kissed me again on the lips and slipped past me into his own dorm. I stood there gobsmacked by what had just happened.

What the actual hell?

I can't handle this, I really can't.

I might be in love with Draco Malfoy.

I might be in love with Harry Potter.

Oh my Merlin! What am I going to do? Seriously?

This is when I want you to talk back and give me advice. I need help! Please, please.

Why does Harry have to do this now? When I don't like him anymore. Why couldn't he do it when I was head over heels for him? Oh for ***************************************************

I can't do this.

I need help.

A lot of it.

Love (urg) Ginny xx


	10. Bathroom Battles

November 6th, 1996

Dear Journal,

I'm so upset. So much has happened. Big secrets I have to keep. My mind isn't prepared for what it's going through. Not at all.

I haven't been in lessons for almost a week, and not one of my friends are allowed to know why. I'll tell you in a bit. But it's been horrible. I keep drifting in and out of consciousness and I have to take this really disgusting stuff that Madame Pomfrey keeps forcing down me.

I get a few visits from Dumbledore but it's always when I've just woken up, or dozing off, so I don't recall anything he says. Harry, Ron and Hermione have been trying to visit but get refused by the teachers. They're really worried, the Professors are telling them I had an emotional breakdown and need to be stabilised before I see anyone again.

It's heart breaking.

Although one night I did have an unexpected visitor. I was lying awake in bed, trying not to cry at my loneliness when I heard a whisper.

"Hey." It was so soft I barely heard it. I opened my eyes and saw Malfoy leaning above me. I was startled for a moment and then overly glad to see him. I reached up to stroke his cheek, then faltered and pulled back my hand. Malfoy held it.

"Hey." I replied. I sighed. He sat on the side of my bed.

"How are you feeling, Ginny?" He asked seriously. I shook my head.

"You'll be Ok Ginny. They're helping you recover." He reassured me. I nodded unconvincingly. Then I heard something I didn't expect.

"I hate Pansy." It was almost inaudible. I opened my eyes and his were boring into mine. I began to ask how he knew when he interrupted me.

"I was the one that found you. I heard you scream. I knew it was you. I cannot believe she did that. I'll have words with her Ginny. She's evil." He sneered.

"No." It made him jump a little at the volume of my voice.

"I mean, if you did anything you'd get expelled. No, you're not getting expelled for me." I stated, looking him directly in the eyes.

"But-"

"I also don't want to lose you." I whispered, cutting him off.

His eyes softened and he squeezed my hand. He began to lean down, slowly. He pulled his hand up to my face and stroked it. I smiled at him. It was the first time I'd smiled in about a week. He smiled back, his eyes becoming darker and more intimate. Then there was a creaking sound. He jumped up and hid somewhere at the back of the hospital wing. I closed my eyes.

A few minutes later Malfoy was back and holding my hand.

"You need to go." I whispered. He sighed a little. Then I remembered something.

"Hey. How did you get in here?" I asked quizzically. He gave me a sly, wicked smile.

"Potter's not the only one who can sneak around." He winked at me and I giggled.

He bent down and before I could protest, he pecked me on the lips. It didn't linger like I wanted it too and he pulled away much faster than I'd liked him to.

"See you soon, Gin." He whispered with a smirk plastered across his face. I giggled again.

"Get out of here, Malfoy." I whispered back. He turned and winked at me again. I closed my eyes to savour the wink and when I opened them he had gone. I had a better night that night than any others I'd had the past few days.

I was let out yesterday, and everyone's been asking me questions, Harry's been all sullen and worried, which breaks my heart. My brothers have even been worried and Fred looks like he hasn't slept properly in weeks. Hermione just leaves me alone, she knows I don't want the attention but it's getting too much. I have to tell someone.

I need to talk to someone. I have to or I'll explode. They told me not to, but… I have too. I'm going to talk to Hermione. I have to. I'm going before I bail out. I'll talk after.

…

Right.

So I suppose I do feel a bit better now. I didn't exactly tell her anything, I let her read you. Just the last entry. I just sat and watched her read. I watched her expressions. They varied from relieved to shocked to surprised to downright shocked again. I just sat quietly. Watching.

Once she'd finished she just looked at me. She looked sorry but relieved I'd shown her. She came over to my bed, where I was sitting and sat down next to me. She squeezed my hand and held it. That's when I did it.

I finally let it out.

I cried my heart out in front of her and she sat there with me, not saying anything because she knew I had to get it all out. She was my rock there. She let me cry my cry. She hugged me and I sobbed into her shoulder. Big, loud, snotty sobs. She didn't care though. She knew.

When I'd calmed down enough to go grab some tissue and try to breathe through my congested nose, Hermione finally talked.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She asked gently. She handed you back to me and sat cross legged on the bed. I sniffed.

"I thought… I don't know what I thought, but I was scared of your reaction." I whispered, fresh tears spilling down my face. Hermione pulled my chin up so I had to look her in the eyes.

"No matter what choices you make, if it's bad, I'll definitely let you know-" I giggled softly. "But I would still be your best friend, best friends get over it. And that's what I would do. But you haven't actually made any bad choices, Ginny." She consoled as I tried to get my breathing under control.

I looked at her baffled. How had I not made a bad choice? Two lads thought I loved them. And I might. I'm such a slut.

"Both boys want you. That's them. Not you. You're just confused." Hermione explained in her nerdy, swat voice as though reciting from a book.

"That's not all though…" I whispered quietly. She sighed.

"Tell me Ginny." Hermione whispered back. I nodded.

"It was when I was kept from lessons this week and in the hospital wing and I wanted to avoid just about everyone anyway-"

"Oh yeah, I was wondering when you'd spill." Hermione interjected, creasing her eyebrows at me.

"You'll understand in a second, just listen." I stated. She mimed zipping her lips and throwing away the key.

"So I was rushing about and keeping my head down, then I saw you, Harry and Ron and I didn't know what to do, so I just bolted and ended up in the girls' bathroom. I'm sorry, but I didn't want to talk to anyone, and know you wouldn't pester me, but… Ron? No way was I going to interrogated again.-"

Hermione nodded understandingly.

"But I didn't realise until I was there that it was Myrtle's. And you know what she's like. I tried to slip out, but obviously she spotted me. She was all like 'Little Ginny back for the memories' and 'Didn't get enough of it when you were here last huh?' She rally hates me and it's because I survived when she didn't. She's got it in for me and I kept telling her to shush, so obviously she screeched. I screamed at her to shut up when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around.

Typical.

Pansy Parkinson was there with her little pals-"

Hermione gasped. I nodded.

"I stepped back as Myrtle just sat on the window ledge snickering. I went to storm out but Pansy grabbed my robes and pulled me back.

"What the hell are you doing, let me go!" I'd shouted in her face.

She's not very used to me fighting back with so much force. She slapped me hard across the face. I stood there. Very still.

"You don't speak to me like that, Weasel." Then she turned around and sniggered with her friends and said "Oh look, the whore talks." And I just stood there dumbfounded.

"What did you say?" I'd asked hotly. She narrowed her eyes at me.

"You heard me, whore. I see how you are with my Draco and to add on to that, the famous Harry Potter as well." She sneered menacingly.

"Malfoy's not your property Pansy. And what about Harry? He's my friend." I'd replied coolly.

Pansy and her pals laughed loudly.

"Oh you're sweet to try and lie to us. The thing is dear, Draco is mine, and I shall have him, and Potter? Everyone knows about you two and your little love fest." She mocked. I tried to stifle my blush.

Was it true they knew about mine and Harry's kiss?

No… How can they?

"W-what?" I'd stammered, feeling a little dizzy.

"We all know why you've gotten quiet and afraid of the attention, you don't want anyone knowing." She chided. I stood there with my mouth open. Wide.

"Shut your mouth, Weasel. We all know you sucked Potter off." She finished with a chuckle.

I visibly gasped. My breathing became quicker and I felt the sudden urge to vomit.

"What the hell are you … Pansy, what the hell!?" I stuttered quietly.

"We all know! You dirty whore bag!" She screamed in my face, coming right into my personal space. She grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled it towards a toilet cubicle. I screeched and tried to writhe out of her grip. But then her friends grabbed me too. I couldn't move.

"This is for my beloved Draco, don't try anything with him! Or I'll kill you!" She seethed. I gulped. She lifted the toilet lid and rammed my head into the bottom of the toilet. I was submerged in water and it filled my ears and nose. I clamped my mouth and eyes shut. Holding my breath, I still tried to writhe. Even plunged in water I could hear their laughter. I was losing my breath when she lifted my head. I blinked back the water dropping into my eyes from my sodden hair.

"And this ones' for me. From me to you." She said, forcing the politeness into her voice. She plunged me under water once more and I hit my head off the bottom. Pain entered my temple and then the water was whirl pooling around my head. Tugging at my hair and threatening to enter my mouth and eyes. I squeezed them tighter and tighter.

I was being swirlied.

Brilliant.

I began to get angry. Why the hell should I go through that. I have done nothing wrong. Nothing at all.

I yanked backwards with all my force and knocked my attackers over. Water was dripping from my face and it just surged my anger even more.

I grabbed for my wand.

The 'pals' had conveniently scattered, leaving only me and Pansy in the isle between the cubicles. I could almost see the steam coming out of my nose. I'd been angry before, but they were tantrums. It was as though Pansy had let loose and animal inside of me and it wouldn't stay down anymore. The genie was out the lamp and wouldn't go back in.

I screamed at Pansy. My wand poised at her chest I yelled "Stupefy" with all the vigour I had. She went flying back into the wall and crumpled to the floor. She sat there breathing heavily. I could see her chest rising and falling rapidly.

"GET UP YOU COWARD!" I shrieked at her. She looked up at me. And oh my Merlin.

I saw fear in her eyes.

Fear.

This is Pansy Parkinson.

I used this to my advantage. Call it bitchy but I thought I'd deserved it.

"C'mon Pansy, not going to bail on me now, how would you're friends react if you told them you were beaten by a Weasley?" I asked mockingly.

She flinched, although she seemed to try to stop herself. Her lip was bleeding and she rubbed at it furiously. She slowly stood up with care. She could barely stand. I allowed myself a satisfied smile.

"You'll be sorry, Weasel." She boiled. I smiled some more.

"Oh will I?" I asked rhetorically. Pansy sneered and slowly drew her wand from her robes. She held it in front of her, jostling it in her hand to make it comfortable. She seethed silently, baring her teeth at me. She pulled back her wand to shout. I got there before her.

"Stupefy!" I shouted, I was only going to use the one spell, I don't want to overly hurt her.

Just a little.

A lot of times.

She deflected my spell and I was pretty stunned at the skill. She screamed a spell. I stood there waiting for it, absolutely shocked silent by the incantation she just screamed. Then it hit me.

I collapsed to the floor, writhing uncontrollably with an excruciating amount of pain clambering through my body. I tried to scream but the pain clogged my throat. Tears streamed down my face and blood trickled out from my nose. My whole body was still fitting and I swear I could hear screaming but my mouth was only partly open. It couldn't have been me. Could it?-"

"She didn't?" Hermione whispered. Looking pale. She grabbed my hand. "That's what that was all about? Ginny, I thought you were pregnant or something. The way they kept it secret."

I nodded slowly and looked at her.

"Fire seared through my veins and I literally felt like I was being boiled alive. Then I became awfully cold, like freezing old, I couldn't feel my fingers or toes, but the numbing was still painful, itchy and irritating. I definitely heard screaming this time and I was sure it wasn't me either. The pain damped a bit, to bearable. I opened my eyes and saw blurry figures scattered around the edges of my peripheral vision. I blinked to try and make them clearer, but it just hurt. I kept them open as long as I could. I'm sure I saw teachers, and I'm sure I heard a man's voice, but I couldn't be sure. I was picked up, I know this because I vomited from the movement. All over myself. I didn't even care, I was in so much pain, they didn't put me down. They carried on as though they get vomited on often. I was dangling limply from their arms. Prickly and irritant. Still in pain and still twitching. I was put down and I finally closed my eyes. But I heard someone speak just before I became unconscious.

"Thank you for finding and saving her, young man, you shall be rewarded."

And then I was out."

…

Hermione sat there silently. Her eyes unmoving from the now seemingly very interesting piece of string hanging from her robe sleeve.

"Say something?" I asked quietly, tears streaking down my face.

Hermione turned to look at me. Then she stood up and left the dorm.

I sat there and cried.

Again.

I knew she would do that. She's going to tell Harry and my brothers and they're going to get expelled because they're going to go after Pansy. Who by the way, only got after school detentions for the next 8 weeks for her spell.

Unbelievable.

I know.

But Snape pulled some strings and that was Pansy's punishment for crucio'ing me.

Crucio.

That was the spell she screamed at me.

I heard the door to the dorm open and close and a weight sit on my bed. My head was in my pillow so I couldn't see them. I sat there for a long time without moving not wanting to see whoever it was, but they stayed quiet. So in the end I gave in. I turned to look.

Hermione was sat at the bottom of my bed with a bottle to her lips staring at me.

Not just any bottle.

Firewhisky.

This is Hermione frigging Granger.

Drinking.

I couldn't help it. I smiled at the sight.

"What?" Hermione asked a little groggily.

"Just you and your amazing best friendness." I replied with a wink. She laughed, but even I could tell it was forced.

"Pass it over then." I said, reaching for the bottle. She handed it to me and I took a small gulp. I can see why they call it Firewhisky. It burned down my throat like fresh lava, but after that it tasted of caramel and strawberries and I needed more. Hermione took it off me after my 3rd or 4th gulp.

"You do realise how serious this is." Hermione stated. She knew I knew the answer.

"Why the flipping hell haven't the school done anything?!" She said, raising her voice.

"Shh, Hermione, I don't want people knowing, you're the only other person who knows. Please don't tell anyone, not Ron, or Fred or George. Please, they'll get themselves expelled. I need them here, Hermione. Please?" I pleaded. She rolled her eyes at me dramatically.

"You always were the little tyke. Get anyone to do anything for you." Hermione said as she took another swig from the bottle. I grinned. She wasn't sober any more.

"On one condition." She piped up out of the blue. I studied her, fearful of what it was.

"If I see Pansy do anything to you in front of me, you allow me to formally approach her and politely rip out her intestines and hang her by them on the astronomy tower." Hermione said in her most polite voice. I stifled a snort. And spat everywhere. Hermione began laughing too.

And there we were.

Two, not very sober, teenage witch's laughing over said intestines and astronomy tower.

Like everything was alright.

Then Hermione went all serious again.

"I mean it, Gin, she does anything, I don't care about the rules, I do whatever I think she deserves." Hermione said with a twist of her face and a grunt.

I sighed. Wow. Hermione was mad.

"Ok." I agreed. Hermione shuffled up next to me and we sat there for a long time, joking, telling secrets, swigging Firewhisky. Being girls.

Thank Merlin I have Hermione.

Love Ginny xx


End file.
